Is it just me or does every major character in every book much better at everything than I am? I’m going to make a list of all the major characters in the most famous books youth reads and we’ll just see how good everyone is compared to the lesser folk of the universe. *grumble**grumble*
1. Harry Potter – J. K. Rowling
Okay. First of all, Harry has the really cool bedhead look, which many of us hope to achieve but miserably fail. He is the freaking Chosen One. All I have ever been chosen for is English presentations in class. He can do magic, and is amazing at Quidditch. He has a cool owl, a bank vault full of gold, the best friends in the whole world, gets to go to school in a castle and has a godfather that can turn into a dog.
Harry also lands a sweet chick, is the best in class for Defence Against The Dark Arts, saves the world more than five times and revolutionizes the Ministry of Magic with his buddies Hermione and Ron. He has an invisibility cloak, is the favorite of many teachers, and even the worst teacher doesn’t want to kill him. His fathers best friend gives him a Magic Map of the school! All I get is extra homework. *moregrumbling*
I get it. Nobody wants a life where you’re bullied by your relatives, the greatest Dark Wizard of all time wants to kill you and your parents are dead. But is it just me, or does Harry still manage to be better than normal people even without all the baggage?
2. Lord of the Rings – J. R. R. Tolkien
The hobbits are short, and love good food and naps. But even they are brave and honored. They, species which haven’t even reached the ears of many in Middle Earth, manage to save Middle Earth from certain doom. Two defeat Sauron’s greatest power, and two manage to play their part in protecting the two biggest kingdoms: Rohan and Gondor.
We have Merry as Theoden’s squire and Pippin as Denethor’s. Merry saves Eowyn’s life, and Pippin saves Faramir’s. Frodo and Sam, well, they end up saving the whole world don’t they? Heck, even when the hobbits were younger, Frodo inherited the Baggins’s giant hobbit hole, and Sting, and the unpenetrable mithril coat.
Sam is a great cook (Which I am not), and super loyal to Frodo. Most of us are give-uppers, we would never go up to a volcano even to save the world. If they were normal height, they would be much greater than us.
Again, I get it. The burden of carrying the One Ring is to unbearable to think about. But what about the great experiences with Tom Bombadil, and the star gift, and the opportunity to sail across the sea? The greatest opportunity I’ve ever gotten is to go to college, and even that is something almost every student manages to accomplish.
3. Percy Jackson / Heroes of Olympus – Rick Riordan
The movie sucked. But the poster IS cool. Now this series I’ve read about seven times. I absolutely love the series, and all the characters have been given depth to perfection. Don’t get me wrong, Harry Potter covers plotlines and character developments to much better extents, but I know this series in and out.
Percy is the son of the sea god. He gets to breathe underwater. He gets to make mini-hurricanes. He saves the Western civilization from collapsing, and he kinda-sorta defeats Kronos in the end. But even he has perks many of us don’t get to enjoy. For example, the camp. Oh gods, the camp is freaking amazing. Even if it wasn’t for the demigods, the nymphs and spirits, and the centaur, the camp still is cool. Normal people can learn archery, ancient greek, swordfighting, forging and other cool stuff. But we don’t have that kind of summer camps. Or don’t get invited to them. or are really expensive and only the high and mighty can afford them.
But Percy isn’t horrible looking. And he isn’t stupid either. Yes, the ADHD and the dyslexia, and the yummy smell to monsters does put a slight damp on things, but he still has a super amazing mom, a flying pegasus, and the affinity to the color blue. And he has met the many fabled Greek monsters/supervillains. Greek mythology ftw! And we have to study about legislations and treaties and all that in History. 😦
Okay, I have been focusing too much on magical characters/books. So people reading might be like “what the hell is wrong with her?Magic ain’t real! Of course they’re better than us” Which is why I mentioned other nonmagical stuff too.
4. Alex Rider – Anthony Horowitz
This. This is completely non-magical. No excuses this time. Alex is hot. Extremely good-looking. Drop dead gorgeous. And who better to play him than Alex Pettyfer? He has a certified diver’s license, and is one step away from being a pro at karate, he knows how to parachute from a plane, and can kite-surf, and take out drug sellers with a crane, and went into space to blow up a satellite thing, and foiled the best criminals in the world.(*ahem*Scorpia*ahem*) Thrice.
Please tell me what else someone could do to be absolutely PERFECT? He’s got the model looks, money, a great opportunity by MI6 to save the world 9 times, and he is absolutely talented in everything he does. Need to rock a suit? No problem. Need to bungee jump a really short distance and then blow up a research lab? Check. Gets to travel all over the world? Easy Peasy. Survive getting shot in the heart? Didn’t hurt at all!
And can I just mention the cool gadgets he gets. Forget James Bond! There was this show called Totally Spies on Disney, Alex Rider is just the male version with boy gadgets instead of girl gadgets.
Just LOOK at those blue eyes! (*sigh*) No fair.
What am I good for? I speak half the number of languages Alex can, I can play the keyboard haltingly, I have dived only once, I am dead scared of height and bugs. I have never been to Europe, and I can’t even hope to turn into a spy. At least I get better grades than Alex. (YESSSS!) But if I saved the world nine times in a year, I guess getting good grades would be the least of my worries.
5. Eragon – Christopher Paolini
The movie sucked. The series is awesome. But the poster IS cool. Ish.
Eragon is a farm boy. Ordinary. But he finds a dragon egg, and the dragon forms this telepathic and empathic bond with him, and then he can do lots of powerful magic, and he travels all over Alagaesia, and his father was a dragon rider too, and his half-brother is a dragon rider too, and the love of his life is a dragon rider too, and the elves and the dwarves accept him, and he has a cool sword that gets its flame on when he says its name, and he has the power of so many Eldunari, and his dragon is super amazing, and he saves the world, and he’s really good friends with the Queen, and…
You see? THAT is cool. Not the super-run-on-sentence. The powers an ordinary farm boy came to possess. Maybe the sentence too.
I grew up in a city, went to school, got a couple of certificates, went to school again, made some friends, got good grades, and am going to college. I can’t do magic. As much as I want to find dragon eggs in the park, I only find oddly shaped rocks. I can only telepathically communicate with… my subconscious. Not an awesome DRAGON! I don’t have a sword. I have a pen. And if I get to my dad’s golf kit before my archenemy kills me, then a heavy golf club. Heck, I don’t even have an archenemy.
I don’t think anyone would mind if you gave them superpowers, and then say “Oh, here. Take this evil badass, and beat him before he ruins everything.” “Can I keep the powers after that?” “Sure, but don’t die.”
See, who wouldn’t want that?
Now, you would finish reading this and say “Oh, Bella from Twilight is a whiny idiot. EVERYONE is better than her.” But no. Even BELLA can whine and cry, and be a better freak than I can. But that’s an insult to her, and a compliment to me.
There are so many other examples I could delve into, but I don’t have the time or the patience. Now, if I had some superpowers, like magic, or slaves, or a squire, I wouldn’t mind. But I am a mere mortal, a stupid Muggle, so I will have to end this post. *grumble**grumble*
I love these books though. I love the characters, and the plots, and the setting, and the fact that they make me happy when I read them. But you would be lying to yourself (and the world) if you said you weren’t even a little jealous of them.
Chasing The Lights 